I teared again today. I'm emo :) chai leng is an emo girl =) yeahz.teared cause i couldn't take the stress anymore. maybe i kept somethings inside my heart too long. and luckily got dear with me, he's THE ONE who is there for me to console me.he's the one who make me feel that i'm the happiest woman.made me felt being loved. and make me feel comfortable.

I cried.mainly because of friendship. I really envy yanying a lot. ever since school reopen till now, she still can have time for her bestie. at least they will talk to each other on phone almost everyday. how i wish i would be like her. i miss the 2 of them. the secondary school life. the clique. the everything. sometimes i realised that i have missed out a lot of thing. many a times, i wonder, why am i always being left out? someone once told me something, friends are for you to be made used of. even if you don't want to make use of your friends, they will still make use of you. initially, i totally disagree but after giving some thoughts, i realised he might be right.

and it's kinda silly to cry for someone or THEM who didn't appreciate me.yeah.it's totally silly. like what dear has said to me just now. but somehow, it's hard to hide my feelings but i guess afterall i did hide my feelings well cause my classmates didn't notice the different in me. i guess. and i bet they can't be bothered too. it's hard to put on a brave front. need alot of courage to do that and people may think that i'm strong but that's only on the outside, but actually deep down in my heart, i'm very fragile.

like what dear said, life has to go on. people moved on with having new friends and gradually will forget about their 'old' friends. yes. i understand this fact but i just don't want to surrender to the fact. they said: friends forever. do they really mean it?and i'm tired of initiating. everytime it's always me. will get tired.

something to highlight:
we,as human beings, are just like puppets.we are control by people and we became the different "us" in different environment. for eg, i'm no.1 chaileng when i'm with dear. i'm no.2 chaileng when i'm with besties.i'm no.3 when i'm at home and so on. we all play different roles in different environment. everyone are just playing different roles and many a times, we do not know which is the real us for the external factors has change us to become another person. just like me. i can be very fierce at home and kind and friendly with friends. sweet and gentle with dear and so on. that's what i mean.

i told dear now that my only friends that i could rely on are yanying and jiaoni. they made me feel that i'm complete. make me find back the real me. or should i say the so called "real" me. i'm comfortable with them and with dear.

long post.but thats what i have felt today.so it's kinda long and draggy.hope readers don't fall asleep. hahas. alrights. got to go.mugging time.tml off to shrek 3!!!

darling, i'm so grateful for what you have said.you touches my heart and made me wanna cry when i think of it again. thanks so much although i always make you unhappy. muacks!i'm learning to become strong!

that's where i belong!=] after some soul searching, i realised how lucky i am!i know my friends care alot for me and not forgetting, dear too.and i'm glad that i have sorted out my feelings.without friends and dear, what's life? nothing.and for that, i'm glad to have yanying and jiaoni as friends who always accompany me. the clique who always wont fail to make me laugh, especially elena, although she can be very crazy sometimes but whatever it is, i'm grateful to god that i have wonderful friends with me by my side.=]

to yanying:you will always be my good friend!thanks for listening to my problem and cheering me up whenever i'm sad.you'll always be missed by me.camwhoring partner!

to jiaoni: thanks for accompanying me.thanks anyway although we don't usually talk much but with you all by my side, i'm satisfied.

to elena: thanks for listening to me.and thanks for all your laughter which can cheer me up and make me go crazy too!hahas. and make me forget the sadness and pain for a moment.

to yanhua: your crapping really can make me wanna crap too.hahas.thanks alot.especially when i went for the trial floorball training.thanks for being there.

to tingting: ahahs.thanks for helping me to analyse what i should buy for dear.your kindness is greatly appreciated.=]

to huiling:athough we didnt talked much, but whatever it is, you have done well as a friend.thanks!

lastly,to dear: i promised i won't barnish you into hell.i'll make sure im a best gf you ever had!

well,i'm like thank-ing everyone.macham receiving an award.lols.although i know the girls wont see my blog except yanying, but that's what i wanna tell them.

oh no!i'm turning into emo girl.hahas.gtg.do BMGT presentation.

Pirates of caribbean really rocks my life!whootS!super duper nice man!ahaha!i give 5stars!hehes. it's worth watching although dear spent 40bucks on the movie.hahas.but at least we felt that it's worthwhile.isn't it?



yesterday had fun with dear.yeahz.we travelled to diff places to watch the movie.hahas.think vesak day we shall be going to watch shrek3.i guess. =P yeahz.and i woke up late today and realised that my right eye is still swollen.omfg.how?

stayed at home the whole day today.yeah.i download the mobtv tingy.but i don't know how to use.-.-

i'm toking to dear now on phone.whahas.yeahz.and i realised something. maybe sometimes i'm really quite sensitive.yeahz.and make alot of people unhappy and myself. and now i really missed the past.i miss the times with yanying and jiaoni, everytime when we are together, we sure have lots of fun. but, haiz. maybe i take the wrong step or i handle it in an inappropriate way?hopefully everything will be better tomorrow.

sianz.off to excel now.brb.
`love you so much!

my eyes are swollen.yeahz.you bet i cried alot today.heart's aching today and i hate myself today to the core.i swear i won't say such things again.

would you be there to love to be with you?
-yes.i would be there to love you and be with you.

would you be there?nice song indeed.
update again.gonna slp if not my eyes will not recover tml.

`fixing a broken heart

in few more minutes time will be our 100days.and yet, our 100days turning into disaster. quarrels again. this time, i know, it's my fault. yeahz. i decided not to go for envoy although i know it's no use now.many many things make me wanna cry.my head is spinning.my heart is aching.i'm feeling lonely in my room.no one can understand me. i don't do what i say. and the promises i made to him are all empty.

im so fucking bitch.am not a good girlfriend.yeah.he's right to say that he's a fool to wait for me today and in return, a broken heart.yeah.when i'm feeling down,he will be there for me,even though he's not talking, i can still feel him.someone with me.

and he'll be there to console me.and now,he's sad.whose the one to console him?he's there for me when i need him and i'm not there for him when he needs me.what a girlfriend i am.perhaps now he still sobbing away.and so do i. i'm weird. i dunno why i didnt speak up on phone and now im like got so much to say. im just a cheebye girl.

normally i didnt mean what i say.really.but i dunno why things turn out this way.i dun like!!!!if really want to blame, oso muz blame myself.

i'm happy that he came to look for me.but i'm sad at the same time for saying such things to him.arghh.i don't know what i'm thinking.fuck.

my life's in a mess now.i dunno what i'm doing this few days.and this afternoon when i'm talking about belonging, guess it doesnt matter to me now.didnt want to bother much.just stay positive and that it.even if no one cares about me, i know dear will be there for me.but now, i dunno whether he will still stand by my side?

and something brighten me up.when the bmgt teacher said that our project is well done, im super happy cause i didnt expect the teacher to say that.and im happy that my effort is paid off.the sacrifices that i have made are worthwhile afterall.and all my tireness are gone because of those words.how powerful is that!and we had camwhoring session.this time, with the 4 gals,my clique.

look at my friendster and you will know.hahas.update there alr.and went for the talk. yeah.it's touching and i feel like crying. i wanna go cambodia and china but mummy say go china.dun go cambodia.haiz.

off now.got to think of what to do.many things happen at the same time, make me hard to manage.and it started because of me

quite moody today.maybe it's because of last night. didnt have enough sleep but i'm seriously in foul mood. and yeah, i don't have the excitment to go for the get high concert. and seriously, i'm fucking angry and disappointed for no reason. perhaps only dear will understand.

i'm wondering where do i belong?

didnt have the sense of belonging anymore.really.numb.

and i hate the bloody feelings.

fuck.BRB.

-I'll hold your hands tightly and never let go.

went out with the threesome today.FUN!seriously,i'm quite happy to see them once again.YOHOo!and ya,initially kinda weird.but after awhile we became active.and we became so high and i did some crazy things.hahas.the same old clique is back!WHOOS!

after that,took neoprint and quickly rushed down to dear's house.didn't want to mention what happen but got happy ending in the end.hahas.and i follow him and his family to eat.and ya,his family are nice!lols.had a sumptuous dinner.hehes.

went to NUS after that.okay.HIs bro drove at the speed of 120km/h.oh damn god.but nice.hahas.i want ride on 220km/h.hehes.

and now i'm back home.done with excel.going to complete my econs and pba.lols.cya guys.

-and yeah.never let go of you.

happiness-is always there.It's a matter of how you see it.

I'm so happy today.cause the problem has been resolved.i love today so much man.I finally passed dear the 'card' i did for him yesterday night after picking up my encouragement.

but i made him pissed in the afternoon cause i said i didnt want to go marina.it's too late and i'm kinda lazy.so we didnt talked.and i didnt know what i should do.as usual,he initiate everything first.hahas.after a talk with him,i couldn't control my emotions and cried.

yes.i cried because of being guilty.i'm not a good girlfriend.he has done alot for me but i didnt do much for him.what a failure i am.am i right?im not good at expressing myself actually so more or less we would quarrel because of my this bad point.

after awhile,he know i'm hungry and he cooked ai xin meal for me.very very touched and i cried again.lols.emo.this time,is a moment of happiness.

after that, i passed him the card.he's quite happy.the feeling.100% sweetness.=]

went to watch blades of glory.yeahz.nice.super duper nice.4stars!quite meaningful.and comical.next week going to watch pirates of carribian.

and ya,tomorrow is the TERRIBLES OUTInG!hahas.looking forward to see my clinque again.me sandra and wan ting!

dear, you know i'm not good at expressing my feelings but i hope you understand how i feel each day.know what?i still got the shyness and the heart beat i once used to have when we first being together.=]

jer aishiteru dave.

off to excel. X)

PHEW!

YOU ARE BACK.

ohmygod.look at the time man.still cant contact him.
argh.what the hell.what should i do?i cant even sleep man.

i'm seriously super tired but i couldnt sleep.can he at least call me?or msg me?
despo.i am.and whatever shit.im kinda losing patience.i really hope i can run out of the house and find him man.

but the fact is i can't.what the hell.im useless.i hate it.i cant do anything man.

so bloody sadd.

im worried about you.where you?

ohman.where are you?

i am going crazy.where are you?

tell me.what should i do?

i called.i tried.i did everything just to contact him.

even his mum also can't contact him.

my fault.all my fault.so torturing.rather die man.can't even sleep.whattheshit....

IM GOING CRAZY SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SITTING AT HOME AND DOING NOTHING.i cant evern contact him.omfg.battery really sucks.DIED so FAST and EASY!CHEEBYE

seriously i'm losing my cool.and finally contacted huiteng.for goodness sake.
hopefully dear can faster contact me.i am super duper worried about him.SOB.really sorry man.i know i hurt you alot.so sorry.arghhh.really hope there's a time machine for me to time back the clock.so sucky.

soo here i am.waiting.and waiting.dying.argh.

muz thanks yanying for accompanying me during this period.thanks for helping me and talking to me and consoling me.thanks.

ohya.YONGHAO FINALLY CALL ME NOW!YEAH MAN.GETTING EMO.OMFG.AT LEAST I KNOW HE'S SAFE AND SOUND NOW.ARGH.BUT HE DOESN'T SEEMS TO BE FINE.SOBS.

i cherish.i love.i miss.

whahaha.i'm at dear's house alone.trying to entertain myself.he went to school. =/ so i can bomb his house.lols!kinda bored actually but nevermind.i think i will be able to see him in an hour's time.hmms

yesterday's my first floorball training!i love it!although there's involve alot of running, but nevertheless,i love the training.i love floorball.but i hate running.no stamina.omg.after such a long period of time,i realised i got alot to brush up.especially my stamina and speed.i used to have speed but yesterday when i'm having shutter run,i realised i suck at it.damn.

and ya,yanying told me that i'm able to join np strings!omg.it's tempting me!how????shit!!!!should i go np string or floorball?i want advices!someone tell me can?i need an answeR!im indecisive.both trainings same day!fuck.

how?i always wanted to learn guitar so that i can compose my own melody.hmms.but floorball has been my favourite since the competition last year.can anyone teach me and enlighten me the way?hmms.

tag me pls!give me feedbacks!
@.@

off to audition now.brb.

hello :)

testing.

blogger siao de

I will be the usual self soon.THis is my DECLARATION.
chaileng love dave

"I'm already lost confidence in you" that's what he said.

Do i really change alot?why am i like that?

I never thought the damage has so much impact on him.

but sometimes,you can't blame me.

I'm stubborn.

and when you said I didn't care you much,do you really think so?

I prefer working behind the scene.

Idont do explanation.

and people may not like this.

somehow,I'm crying with no sound.isn't it saddening?

had fun today! after the group discussion,went to bukit timah plaza with yanying.both of us :) we walked around and saw the performing arts studio.high class but the hip hop there is too expensive.so didnt sign up for it.saw pilates too.and most importantly,my DRUM!90bucks for 4 session.each session 30mins.abit not worth.but nevermind,shall consider.but most importantly is HIP HOP!

after that we went to billard.hahas.had lotsa fun!we kept laughing and giggling like nobody's business!hehes.after awhile,dear came and join us for pool.hahas.he's such a pro.we're so noob. X) BOO! after that,we walked to bukit timah shopping centre and saw the hip hop dance studio.went to get the brochure.still wondering when i can sign up cause im short of cash.='(

ate roti prata ice cream and gozilla milo.full!then went back to dear's house.haha!

that's all for now and anyway,the taxi driver yesterday was HIONG!he SCOLded Chao cheebye.omg.

dear, dont be sad okay?we'll meet de.cause i will miss you too and wanna see you.

im back =]

today's seriously a tiring day.went back to dunearn to collect my cert.late for 10mins and wan ting was even later so me and phuishan went in first.talked to Mr kaan.hahas.he treated us drink.at least better than none.:)

after that,we went to eat!finally can eat canteen food!i mean dunearn's food.i miss the laksa!!WHOOS!so fulfilling!anyway,after that we went to take 985.this is the funniest part cause ...

WE MISSED THE BUS STOP and LED US TO THE HIGHWAY and ENDED UP IN CJC!omg.

kinda lost our way but it's a good experience actually.=] taken some photos but wan ting hasnt bluetooth to me.shall upload next time.

went to dear's house after tutorial.HEHE!had dinner at his house.his mum cooked for us!thanks auntie!yum yum.

afterthat,went home and go to the prayer thingy.hahas.met cousins.

and im back home!WHOOS!

baby,thanks for everything that you have done for me.my heart is yours. and your heart is mine. =X

Thanks!

For letting me..

Thanks!

Yes. I shouldnt take so many of them.

maybe ended up with just one pathetic cca

Yes, I'm selfish.

Don't give me sarcastic remarks.

`hurt.

you can choose not to believe me.

i'm heartbroken.

I saw SANDRA today!!!

So fated to see each other!!omg!!!

was rather happy to see her but then,i have to go off as my damn bus came.-.- but nevertheless,still happy to see her!yupps.

anyway,lecture was boring today.my favourite econs has turned into disaster by the gay-ish lecturer.cant remember his name though.and as usual,i dont listen to his lecture and me and yanying are camwhoring!!!just taken our slippers onli.=]

didnt went for ambassador in the end.back out.haahs.cause after hearing what wan ting says,i dont feel like going anymore.ohya.tomorrow i will be going back to dunearn to collect my o level cert!!miss the secondary school time!!!whoos!

that's all for now.kinda tired but one litre of tears is worth watching!
and not forgeting,i like yanying's star stud!especially the piink one!

darling,i will never ever let go of you.=]

One litre of tears is really ADDICTIVE!

HAHAHA!

I cried for dunno how long.from morning when i'm watching my fair princess 3 till now when im watching one litre of tears.OMG!

water tapped..drip drip.=]

anyway,not to mention.i didnt went out today.just chiong finish my excel.slacked alot today.later gonna do my econs assignment.

and..
DEAR forgotten about me today!!!ARGH
%$#@!$&###$@

aHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have been staring at the screen for 7hours and i still haven finish my excel.2 chapters and i saw the announcement.still got another 2 more chapters to go.and today seems like a sunday to me.cause i didnt go out today.surprisingly isnt it?cause i wanna be guai kia and stay at home to finish up my homework whereas darling went out to play with frenz and celebrating huiteng's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you!SWEET SIXTEEN.muz do crazy tings and enjoy!!!

and..

ONE LITRE OF TEARS is simply wonderful.which is recommended by dear and strongly by me too!!!super nice.im engrossed into it.hopefully i can finish watching it soon.it is based on real life and can you imagine there's a person suffering the disease called spinocerebellar atrophy while we are having fun?this disease has no cure and to a 15 year old girl,she's suffering too much.and it's reality.so i strongly encourage people to watch.this makes me wanna treasure my life.and life is indeed fragile.

anyway,im miisssing my bestie!!!!

waiting for her to sms me.lol.cause i really initiate alot of times.hopefully she will contact me.=]

brb.going to complete my excel.(puke) can finish the whole book in 2weeks.faint.

i'm missing you too..
waiting for your call.=]

all well thats ends well!

yeahz.all that tingy with dear ended in a wonderful way.and we went to watch spiderman 3.okay.the movie was worth watching!seriously!it's super duper nice!yeahz.spiderman rocks and dear say im childish to say that.=(

okay.the queue was super long when we line up for the movie tickets.from the ticket booth all the way to the other end.omg.it's crazy.i think everyone's lining up for the movie.cuz today is the launch of spiderman 3.whahas.that's explain the long queue.enjoyed myself today.LOVe.loves.=]

something upsets me today.i shall not say it here.just disappointed with her.at such a age..

i wonder why people always tell me that they hate smokers and said that they wont touch cigarettes at all but end up,they smoke.-.- im not being unreasonable or judgemental here.i know at our age we tends not able to resist the temptation and curiosity.yeahz.curiosity kills the cat.that's true.and i know it's hard to resist the temptation but after trying,can they just stop it?don't ever do it again?why must people deceive me?i don't like at all.

really,poly is very different from secondary school life.but there's great ppl around.like yanying and jiaoni.actually,MA7 peeps!and i love the camwhoring sessions too.^^

ohya.the project work tingy for IAC..something's not right.the leader didnt add us on msn so how are we going to discuss online for our project?omg.i don't even have their contact list!shit.

tomorrow's elearning so i got make up lesson on econs.and after that got cca.whoots!

baby,i enjoy myself today.=]
iloveyou!

no rights to say me.

cause you also doing the same thing.

although i send alot of request to guys which is purely my classmates,but your one and only friend request already can kill me.

whatever.

i just don't understand.

posessive.That's all i can say.

don't control me too much.

you know what i mean.

`bleeding heart